Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi Ce Soir?

They say people talk more about sex than engage in it. Especially now, with the access to the unlimited garden of the Internet chatting has grown just like yeast in warm, moist conditions.

Lots of people consider the virtual world as an erotic fantasy, in which you can evade just by one click. Passing through a beaten path of clicks and allusions many e-amateurs end up their dialogues with stripping themselves. You need minimum effort to find an e-partner with whom to trundle through the hollows of pleasure. One more snap on the click… and you leave him/her in the lurch and rush quickly in the bathroom without coming back and leaving at least an innocent feedback. Something like: “Thank you, I’ve climaxed. Very noisily and foamy…! You were amazing!”

And as the advantage of the Internet is the speed, men are using it successfully. The matrix in their heads is already activated, trained and up-dated. They need just three affirmative answers to the following questions: “Do you have big boobs?”, “Do you perform oral sex?”, “You like it, yes…!?” A warm palm, one pop here, one more there and in a few minutes he’s already on the crest of the Big O!

Women, unfortunately, often remain disappointed. Especially those who can not reach for the Realm of Little Death without groans and whispers in the ears: “Ah! I want you…I kiss you… Oh yes! Just like that, on your suave neck… upper… Your tits smell of barberries…Hhmmm…” The truth is that men have neither time nor patience and habits to locate the “hill” on the keyboard.

Those men who are endowed with enough patience are precisely “equipped” with a sense of humor, too. And when his physically exhausted left hand will demand for a moment of piece after a few artisanal orgasms his right hand will throw a joke like this: “Ha! Look! I’ve found a lock inside your belly button!” Damn it! Never, none of the women hadn’t accepted and will never appreciate such a joke. Even though it is virtual. Even if it is said by a stranger. She’ll stay angry in front of the screen at least one month after the impact.

In a nutshell, the Internet hasn’t become yet a territory with equal rights when it comes to orgasms. E-sex is a game in which women lose. Probably because they search for more than a simple game…

Hai Romale! Display the Virginity's Flag!

Bring the Sheet!

Virginity...

What a shukar* word... and world!
Especially for guys!

A little bird told me that almost every man dreams of having sex with a virgin. To conquer not merely the virgin's innocent heart, but also her “tightly closed door” means to be a real warrior... One who is very, very courageous when it comes to sex. So, appreciate, ladies, those men who had sex with virgins! Not all are so lucky!
They are a few ... You can count them by using your 20 fingers... And the bad news is that soon will disappear at all... They will have to be registered in the “Red Book” ... As well as virgins...

Nowadays virginity is something special, an extraordinary phenomena which is a very rare treasure among young people... But not in Gypsies' families...

Gypsies approach this matter with gravity... According to their traditions, a girl MUST be a virgin until the wedding night. She has to bid farewell to the “magic sheath” amid the wedding party.

Whereas your guests savor the taste of popping black Caviars and drink expensive vodka, the bride and her future husband leave and guess, what do they do?

Oh yes!!! “Dinga-dinga!” They make love.

Needless to mention: on a white blanket or piece of fabric. What for? Shame on you! Of course! To display that piece of sheet adorned with an enticing spot of blood to all wedding guests.

Hip-hip hurrah! The bride was a virgin! Hai, Romale! The bride was a virgin! Here is the proof! Respect and dowry to the bridal couple!

The fiesta continues... while the joyful match maker dances with that piece of sheet all night long!

One more thing to mention. If the budding husband is not capable to do “that”... Well, there are many reasons why he couldn't (exhaustion because of too much dancing or vodka, emotions... her first sexual experience, after all)... Eccola!- the match maker interferes... Usually the match maker is an old woman who wears a few bright petticoats, tones of gold on fingers (don't know about the toes) and some rows of red colored necklaces around the neck...

Match Maker Rescues Rangers!

So, if the man can't assume the responsibility to “love” his woman, the match maker performs it instead of his “flaccid” tool. How does she do that? No idea... Maybe with her finger or with a super-duper elaborate vibrator... Well, I don't really know the concrete techniques but THE SPOT HAS TO BE ON THE FABRIC!!! By all means...

Now I am thinking... As I know, many girls don't bleed when they lose virginity. What's happening then? Will the guests believe the match maker and poor innocent wife?

It remains for me to add that I would never like to have sex with a wrinkled finger of an old woman! (that's in case I marry a Gypsy or restore my virginity!)

shukar*- The word comes from Gypsy language and it generally means cool, beautiful, nice, etc.

Men don't need Mute Swans under Sheets!

Well, if there is something in this world that would embarrass me very, very much is the way I look during ... my "little death"!

One thing is clear! I am absolutely sure that it isn't so expressive and overwhelming as that of Jennifer Aniston in “Bruce Almighty” or Meg Ryan in “When Harry met Sally”.

Mine is something like this:
The back curves like a playful cord of a guitar... A position that makes me look like one of Tchaikovsky's swans ready for a 5-seconds migration to an euphoric realm.
Warm, ripe, soft, rosy-cheeked... With a mime that radiates satisfaction, fulfillment...
2 dizzy eyes that are largely opened up but, actually, don't see anything... I would say orgasms make me blind. And a roaring voice that wakes up a whole district... It surpasses even the morning cackling of the neighbor's hens.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette. Perfectly related to me.

The funniest thing is that men are so confident, ladies, when we are so artistic and naughty during the intercourse. P'raps, mute swans are more appreciated than whistling ones when it comes to quotidian problems, housework and daily events. But, it's not a secret that all men want to satisfy a prima donna in their bedroom. And although men are said to love with their hungry eyes even the most “stifling” groan emitted by a woman during intercourse is welcomed with tumultuous applauses.

So, no more pantomime, womankind! Take some opera classes, listen to Maria Callas' etudes and drink raw eggs in the morning. For a more appealing voice!