I've spent my yesterday not alone. Accompanied by 5 of my friends. 5 interesting ladies. Cute, intelligent, wise, all different and joyful. When we make such gatherings we do have a lot to discuss. Starting with our jobs, hobbies, relatives, common friends and ending with our future plans and men, each of us has the chance to express herself. We comment, criticize, advice, recommend, laugh, support and go crazy. It's a kind of bee or evening sitting of village women... With champagne, cognac or Baileys... Some exotic fruits and chocolate... Voila! - the atmosphere for relaxation and enjoyment is guaranteed...
Yesterday was a special brainstorming. Totally dedicated to men. To our boyfriends and their cranks. In fact, all our encounters end up with stories about our beloved owners of testicles.
Generally, Martians are very ingenious. They have pounds of fun in them and they do things that we, ladies can't comprehend but accept. As namely these whim-whams make our life spicier and entertaining. 
For instance, Irene's boyfriend likes to periodically gift her with sensual dances:
"- But, amies! Clowns go to rest! He makes it so... seriously! He has a big, bombastic belly that truly makes me laugh. He looks like one of those mysterious chiefs who allures his tribe through this fascinating dance and seductive bass drum... He really thinks his striptease turns me on! Well, it's not really so. A few feathers around the waist, a sparkling lance in his hand and he's perfect for being departed in the savage world. His tantalizing motions will make native women be on cloud nine... And moreover, continues she, he adores to look at the microwave glass door carefully. He eagerly stares at that tasteful piece of meat that temptingly rotates in the oven. He takes a chair, sits down and without diverting attention from the microwave's display gazes after it. He looks like watching a very interesting, frantic, absorbing movie! That's extremely amusing...”
Dana's ex-boyfriend used to twitch his eyebrows when was dissatisfied and angry. After such a quarrel, Dana looked at him more attentively... My lovely mom! Mona Lisa in propria persona! Just a pair of straws... Afterwards, he was taking Danutsa's brown mascara to restore his arrow-shaped ornaments.
Attention! The best from the West! Angelique's boyfriend is the most ingenious and waggish. If he goes to bed nude he will make sure his "treasure" is rolled in a handkerchief. “Perhaps he is afraid I will accidentally tear it in the midnight! I asked him why does he wear this fabric on his rod and he told me he can't sleep in the costume of Adam. Aside from this habit, he loves to dry up his “adorable” testicles. He uses to sit on a chair, move his legs apart hanging all this stuff... and pulling them... To dry them out. Sort of like. Meanwhile I am eating, for example. Very appetizing...”
Angelique's man is unicum!
Mine, ladies and gentlemen is a good boy. He is obedient. Wise. Kind and tender. Optimistic. But lazy... Damn it! I hate this trait! He likes to sleeeeeeep a lot. You'd better stay away from him if he hadn't savored a piece of chicken or pork yet. One more drawback - he's very greedy when it comes to compliments.
In contempt of all his negative traits my man has a very beautiful belly-button. Every time I want to play with it I find there a surprise for me. Fuzz, fluff, a piece of thread... This opening is a kind of storage case. Strategically designed to surprise!
My boyfriend has a special approach to my breasts. Of course, he would like to titillate Pam's boobs or at least one size bigger than mine. But, appreciate what God has gifted you with! 2 jewelries - Mariah Carey (the right one) and Celine Dion (the left one which is smaller than Mariah). No doubts! His favorite is Mariah! I don't remember why he has christened them like that. They don't sing.
Furthermore, when he's playing computer games he broils, feels deeply and suffers so much that it hurts me. Still I can't abstain from wondering of his reactions. He makes such a doleful face and shrieks like a wounded buffalo! One evening I was speaking with my Mom on the phone and Mamma Mia! Such a 600-floored obscenity! I was electrified! My mom was shocked! “- It's ok, Mom. He was shot in Counter-Strike. Don't worry. He'll be good.”
If we will spend more time on searching for other “flashes” of our men, we would find more and more. Cause all they are unique walking maggots. Freakies who make our quotidian life more hilarious. Enjoyable. Funny.
6 comments:
Fun post, trying to imagine a number of ladies gather and discuss men like that. I enjoyed it very much, but that shouldn't make your mood gray at all, my dear friend, isn't it?
we always did that among our friends lol...but in most cases, I often told one of my friend "I would give up the whole world if I can know what a guy thinks just for a day".
me and my guy - we're both the exact opposites. But hey, I love him just the way he is! ^^
Yep, that shouldn't, Max. :) Mood starts changing its color... I think till evening it will become serene and warm.
Thank you.
:)) Oh, yes, Angel! The idea to think as a man and become one of them at least for one day tempts me, too.
If I were a producer of movies I would make one about men's needs.
Mel Gibson opened up the eyes of many, many males in "What women want". Great film!
How about "What men want"? Perhaps, women are wiser and more responsive to men's requirements. However, men do also have their secrets and women are eager to know which are they...
" ... our beloved owners of testicles."
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Ha ha. Great post, loved it. Have you ever heard the expression,
"Having testicles is like being chained for life to the village idiot."
It's quite true :(
No, Diver! I didn't hear of it!
So, the final verdict? - Women love idiots! lol
If speaking about testicles:
"A man does not die of love or his liver or even of old age; he dies of having testicles." - Percival Arland Ussher
The conclusion?
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